just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
