I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
