Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
