oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
