Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
