I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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