I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
3pm strippers are depressing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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