my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
