good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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