And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
id be glad to
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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