i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize