I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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