I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
