mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
