Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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