i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
