So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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