he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
