Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
