tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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