You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
