She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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