There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
