Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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