party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
