My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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