someone threw a dead crab at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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