Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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