I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
