this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
