So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
