There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
