the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
