I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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