So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
