Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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