After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
