I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All the doctor said was why
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
