you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
