I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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