sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
