Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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