So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what day is it and did you see me today?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
