..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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