East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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