Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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