That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
