If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
