Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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