highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize