EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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