I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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