I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
