I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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