Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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