wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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