Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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