I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
