I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
