We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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