I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
