Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
