she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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