Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
