i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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