I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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